Motorcycle Mama

My husband bought me a motorcycle for his 60th birthday! He bought himself a Victory Kingpin last year and has been looking for one for me because he doesn't care for riding double but he wants us to ride together. I didn't realize how serious he was until last Friday when he pulled up to work. I thought he was on his bike until I walked outside and looked at it. I said, "That's not your bike." He smiled at me and replied, "No, it isn't, it's your bike!" I wanted to know what on earth he was talking about and he said, "I just bought it for you." It is a Suzuki Volusia 800 and it is a bigger than most people start off with but it is the size that a lot of people graduate to. Someone asked me yesterday if I wanted a motorcycle and I hesitated. She said that was a bad sign. But I'm so honest I couldn't lie and just say yes, I've always wanted one. What I settled for was that I didn't not want one, I'm not scared or intimidated by them and I think it will be fun. So, now I am learning to ride. I spent the weekend in a large mostly empty parking lot stopping and going and driving in big circles. I was a little nervous about my husband teaching me to ride because I hate being told what to do, particularly by him. However, he is a fabulous teacher, very good at explaining things and very patient with me and my questions. He was also very encouraging and reassuring. I never thought it would be so exciting to get a vehicle up to 20 mph! That was on the second day. The first day was all about stopping safely, go, stop, go, stop, go stop. The second day was about shifting smoothly. I've been driving an automatic for a year now and my brain isn't used to the whole gas, clutch, shifting thing. I knew I was back in the groove when I was driving my car home and I came to the first stop sign and almost put my foot down on the non-existant clutch and had my right hand on the gear shift! Tomorrow I will take the written test to get my permit so I can legally ride on the streets and then I have 90 days to learn to get good at it and take the driving test.

Post Secret

So, I was reading Post Secret Monday morning at work (yep, that would be me wasting agency time and resources) and it made me think that blogs are a little like posting secrets. Maybe it is just my own hang up but I think that's why I don't want people I know to read my blog and yet I don't mind perfect strangers doing it. I want to share my secrets (not that I really have any) but I don't want the people I care about to know what my secrets are. I just said that I don't really have any secrets but I do. I know exactly what I would put on that post card and mail in. I haven't though because I'm a little lazy and because the secret is not yet burning a hole in me. That's why I won't put it here either, to write it down would make it real but if I leave it whispering in a corner of my brain I can continue to ignore it.

Old Boyfriends

Do you ever wonder about old lovers/boyfriends/girlfriends/partners? Is there someone in particular that you wonder about. There are several people that I periodically think, "I wonder what he's doing now?" One is Chris who was the first person I thought I was in love with. He was also the first person I had sex with and at one point he was one of my very best friends. If you had told me my sophomore year of college that there would be time when I wouldn't talk to him I would have said you were crazy. But life changes and suddenly there I was 12 years later wondering about the person that I had told to never contact me again. I had joined myspace and searched for various names of family and friends. Including his. And I found a profile that I thought was probably him, right age, right zodiac sign. I sent a message, "Hey are you the guy I used to know?" I showed his profile to my sister who asked, "Do you think that picture looks like Chris?" I told her, "I could make it be him." A month and a half went by and he never logged in to his profile. (Incidentally, that's something I love about myspace, being able to see the last time someone logged on.) One night I was sitting at home and during one of the brief periods of free wi-fi access I saw that I had a new message. When I tell people this story I say that sometimes I'm a little bit psychic but I think it was just my logical mind working over-time (I'd been on earlier and responded to some messages but none of my friends were on-line) but whatever the case I just KNEW the message was from Chris and I was right--See I told you I'm psychic! I was so excited and opened it up. He confirmed it was him and that he'd also been wondering about me. We exchanged a few messages, updating eachother on our lives and that was it. And really, that was all I wanted. I just wanted to know that he was doing ok, and was happy. My husband was a little freaked out about the whole contact with my old boyfriend thing but I told him that I felt the same way about finding Chris as I did about finding my friend Jen who moved back to Sweden 10 years ago. I feel like I have a sense of closure about my relationship with Chris that I needed too. Now, if only I could find Doc online...

So, I'm Lazy

It turns out that despite having a laptop with wi-fi I am too lazy to take it anywhere and do much besides check my e-mail and log on to myspace and facebook both of which I have joined in the last four or five months. I work and then I go home and cook dinner. After we eat I just don't feel like going anywhere. However, when I am at my juvenile detention job I have a whole weekend of internet access so I should really try to do something with this or I should just take it all down and figure that I am not a blogger by nature. But I want to be, so I'll keep on working on it. Meanwhile, I have to hope that I do this often enough that I don't forget my password again!!

I'm Back!

I was gone for quite awhile but that is because one of the (very few) downsides to my new job is that we aren't supposed to use the internet for checking personal e-mail etc. I figured part of that was not blogging from work. There is a long list of stuff we are not supposed to do from our work computers. My computer at home is SUPER old (I'm pretty sure that in the computer world it is an antique!) and we don't have internet access at home (call me cheap) so my only access was at the library and that was a pain in the neck. However, that all changed with Christmas. My dear sweet generous husband gave me a laptop. And there are various places where there is wi-fi, so dear readers (all none of you) I'm back! Let me say first of all that I love my job. December 12th was my 6 month anniversary and what a change from my last job. Then I knew I wanted to be just about anywhere else and yet I was there for 5 more years. Given that I am completely happy now I think I could retire from this one. Well, who knows what life will bring...I could still win the lottery!

What do I like about my new job? Well, first of all I'm getting paid more to do less. I was woefully underpaid at my last job, so the 50 cent/hour increase with 60% less stress and responsibility was a huge change. I like my co-workers, I like my boss, I like not being directly responsible for client care, I like being able to help people and I like the nice people who call and are grateful for the help. As in just about anything there are those people who are just nasty to deal with but now, I just hang up the phone (not hang up on them, however) and blow it off. I don't go home at night stressed out and crying and hollering at my husband. I don't have nightmares and I don't stay awake at night.

What do I miss about my old job? NOT MUCH!! I miss LaDonna my stalwart co-worker and one of the kindest human beings on the face of the earth, I miss a few of the employees and the time we had to just talk about life. I miss the meager Christmas bonus (as a public agency we aren't allowed at my current job). However, none of those things makes me want to go back.

In conclusion, I am so grateful to God for bringing me to this point. I know that He had a hand in all this and I know that the time at the last job was what prepared me for this job. He truly does uphold me with His righteous right hand even when I think He is ignoring me.

New Job

I HAVE A NEW JOB!!!!! Obviously, I'm a little excited. I got notified today that they want to hire me to be the new Information & Assistance Specialist/Case Aide at the local Senior Information and Assistance office. Someone asked me what the best thing about the new job is and I had to honestly say that it isn't the job I have now. I have been here for 5.5 years and I am so ready for something else. I wanted out of social services completely for a long time but I finally decided that I've been running from taking care of people for most of my adult life and yet I keep ending up in those situations so maybe I need to embrace it before I can move on. I do like interacting with people and getting people the help they need so I think it will be a fulfilling job. I should start in a couple of weeks. I'm so excited, I've been grinning madly all day and randomly jumping up and down.

Hello...It's Been a While!

So, I think I got a little bored (or boring?) and had pretty much ignored my own blog while doing a daily check in with all the ones I follow and getting cranky when random people that I don't know didn't bother to update in a timely fashion. Hmmm...I don't think anyone is obsessively checking my blog every day but who knows, it could happen. And I'd hate to disappoint! Also sometime back in February I announced that I was changing my life, workwise at any rate. So far, no change. Still doing the same boring thing with the same sucky boss. I was really tempted to quit and go to work at a local coffee shop where two of my sisters work (and the 3rd sister worked when she was in town) but I decided that just because it would be better than my worst day here didn't actually mean it was the right decision for me. Plus it would be less hours and way less money and honestly I just couldn't afford to do it. I applied for a job with Juvenile Services at the courthouse and was VERY sure I would get the position. Consequently when I got the reject letter I was VERY distraught. I cried for a couple of days and decided that I would just not apply for anything ever. Hah, hah. That lasted a month or so. I have an interview on Friday for a job...sort of in the same line of work. So far I don't have any emotions into to. I'm not sure I really want to continue working with old people so I don't feel wed to wanting this job. At the same time it would be a change and I wouldn't be at the same place I've been for 5.5 years. So if I get it great and if I don't get it that's ok too.

Life

I decided my life needs some changes. Most especially in the area of work. I came home last Friday feeling like someone had punched me in the chest, it was sore and tight and I felt like I almost couldn't breathe. (Hmm...borderline panic attack anyone?) I ended up crying and freaking out my husband. I'm not going to go into the details about why work sucks so bad but suffice it to say that I have not particularly liked my job for about 4.5 years of the over 5 I've worked here. I've gone through periods where I've been ok with it and periods where I couldn't stand it but I have stuck in there because it is, after all, an office job in a small tourist town with limited job opportunities and it has benefits. Saturday morning Denny and I had a talk about what I needed to do. He thinks I should take classes at the local community college in book-keeping and advocated quitting this job and being a barista at a local coffee shop where two of my sisters work while I tried to get book-keeping experience. I took Accounting 1&2 quite a while ago. (I was thinking, "6 or 7 years ago, but no it was longer than that, let's see I was living in that place which was right after that so !HOLY COW! it was 9 years ago!") I really liked those classes and would like to get into that and I see ads for bookkeepers all the time so I'm thinking that's the direction I want to go. I also want to learn Microsoft Access since I often see ads that say you need that. However, I have to really sit down with my husband and talk about the reality of me making less money than I am right now (pittance that it is) and how things will work. Of course, if he could be unemployed for 3.5 years I think we can deal with this. To be fair he had his retirement income and VA disability so things were tight but the bills still got paid. I'm so excited at the thought of quitting here that I feel lighter and my mood (rather depressed and dark the last few weeks) has instantly improved. Yet at the same time there is that scared nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I haven't reinvented myself since I took a one year leave of absence from college that has somehow now stretched to 10!